This is the only job I’ve ever had and it’s a pretty good one. I let the whole office know if anyone is here, or walking by a window, or my mom’s office. You have to stay vigilant to be able to protect your biscuits and your toys. I mean, the PEOPLE in the office, for sure, I’m protecting them, who said anything about toys or biscuits? Not me, I don’t think about toys or biscuits all that often. I like most of my co-workers, some of the construction guys are big & look like toy thieves though.

 

I have career goals, & I’m just going to have to put my paw down & show everyone who’s boss. I want to be Chief Biscuit Officer. My bruver, Spinny, he doesn’t think that’s a real job, but I’m my own dog & I can prove to my mom that it’s a job that’s needed in her office. I can multi-task & eat, I mean WATCH, I will watch the biscuits & be security at the same time. A good girl would never just eat the biscuits she’s guarding. That’s what I’ve been told anyway.

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They call me Potato because I just like to lay down & not move. I dunno why they don’t stop complaining and just rub my belly & tell me how handsome I am. I have the best eyebrows in the business!

They also need to stop telling me to stay out of the garbage, I’m just doing my best to keep the place clean & safe for the hoomans in here. I love them all, & if they have a bad day I am good if I can lay on their office floor, in their doorway, in the middle of a hall, really just anywhere they can see me, & let them pet me. I make them feel better. I even found myself a girlfriend in here, our sales manager is just the next best thing to biscuits. She plays a little hard to get but these eyebrows will win her over. If anyone needs to rub my belly to feel better, I will be laying on my bed in mom’s office.

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I’ve been here for probably 100 years or so. Mom says that’s not true, that it’s only been 4 years, but pretty sure my math is right when it comes to dog years. I know her job is numbers, but I’m Accounts Retrievable & I am pretty confident in my math, I know how to count biscuits; they mostly come in 3 categories:

1. Seriously? Where’s the rest of them?

2. I can see you’re making an effort, but we need more biscuit.

3. I suppose this will suffice for now, but I expect more very soon.

I help Pickles out with security, though she would never admit it, you can’t trust anyone & I am here to protect my mom from everyone. My co-workers are mostly ok, as far as people other than my mom can be. They seem to love on Keifer & I have to hear how handsome, majestic, chill, relaxed, blah blah blah, he is all the time. I growl at them or talk over them because I get tired of hearing how great my bruver is. I’m not jealous, who said I was jealous?!!!!!!

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I’ve been here longer than my siblings. I showed Harrison the ropes when he first started but there is no helping Spinny & Pickles, those 2 do not stop talking or chomping. I love everyone that I work with & they are pretty free with the hugs, but not the biscuits. The GM & I have a pretty good bond, he let’s me rest my majestic head on him over the lunch hour & he is usually pretty complimentary. I find most people are, so I am not sure why Spinny gets so upset with them all. I still love to play fetch but Pickles doesn’t understand the game & will beat me to the toy and hide it so we can’t play anymore. It’s hard to be the CFO when she does that. I think my biggest complaint here is at lunch time no one recognizes that I am starving to death & they need to share their food with me. Other than that, the benefits are pretty great – I get to go for 2 walks every day, after the walk mom gives us biscuits (I’m biggest so I think I should get more biscuits than my siblings), at lunch almost everyone will pet me & talk to me, it’s always nice to hear that I am the favorite, but I’ve been here longest so I just have had a long time to make a good impression. Plus, I don’t talk the way some of my siblings do, I like to be nice & quiet so I can hear all the compliments.

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